Me & Myself

As the time was passing by..
Suddenly, I felt that the long awaited moment arrived too fast..
All those 7 years of waiting just poofed, vanished into thin air..

Is this what I really want? Really, really want??

1. The second thoughts

I admit. There’s a lot of second thoughts going on in my mind. Sometimes I feel like I can’t handle them. Too much questions, too many answers.

- Does he really love me for who I am? Or it is because of something else?

- Do I love him? Or it is just merely an affection and obsession?

- Can he mingle with my whole family? Can I mingle with his family?

- Can I cook well? Can I run the house? Will he help me with the chores?

- How do I handle critism? How would he handle critism?

- What if people tease me?

- What should I wear?

- Am I ready for a family? Does he ready?

- How about responsibilities?

- What if something happen to me? To him?

- What if I die?

- What if I ….. what if he….

Bla, bla, bla….

2. The preparations

A lot of time, we felt really tense about the attire, the guests, the food, everything! We have planned our own version of a perfect wedding for years. We tried to make things happen, we want our wedding to be celebrated and inviting, we want our day to be smooth. As the time passed slowly, the demand had also increased. We did lists and checklists so not to left anything out. We can’t afford to hire a planner, so these preparations had caught our major focus and attention 7 days a week. Stressful it is especially when there’s always ONE easy answer for our perfect wedding. MONEY.

3. The MAJOR changes

That day will be a big turning point in my life. It affects my direction, focus and priority. This year is the last Hari Raya I spend as a child to my beloved mother and father. I will spend the next Hari Raya onwards as a wife to a husband. It is quite sad to think that maybe I will not be able to enjoy the first day of Hari Raya with my dear parents and siblings as I have enjoyed it for 24 years now. All these years, I have celebrated Hari Raya at my grandparents’ (my mother’s side) at Teluk Intan and at my grandmother ‘s (my father’s side) at Taiping; but in the years to come, Kedah and Sarawak will also have to had our visit.

In addition to that, as a wife, I have to obey my husband. Every action and decision must have permission from my husband. If he didn’t approve, I am obligied not to do it. It is quite a dilemma because I am still young at heart, still want to go out with my friends, still want to wear many beautiful clothes. Even we may not be in the same house, I am his responsibility. What if he suppresses my ‘needs’ to be free?

......xxx…..

Not everyone want to discuss about their prewedding blues, but I did admit that I am now experiencing this quite dreadful wedding blues. However, for me, it is only natural to feel this way since there will be a lot going on, a lot of new things will be happening, all at one time. So, sometimes,I kept telling myself that it’s okay to feel sad and flat cause it is not an easy job to handle new experiences and new mistakes everyday.

In addition to that, sometimes I feel that some people around me even those who had married, they had been unsupportive by warning and telling me the negative side of their marriages -the responsibilities, the children, the money (it is ALWAYS an issue). In this modern days, I do realize that many individual will become horrified but I didn’t blame them for those because when I take it positively, in other way around, I always have the chance to learn more and more and keep telling myself not to do the same mistakes that they made. In a way, I’m glad for it.

......xxx…..

Do I STILL want to get married?
YES. I DO. ~grin~

"When the servant marries, then he has completed half of the deen. Then let him fear Allah (Taqwa) with regard to the remaining half"

"And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them. And He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Quran 30:21)

Marriage is a beautiful thing indeed. Getting married to the right person will double the happiness, halves the sadness, keeps me away from the sins hence granted me with tranquility and hopefully will give me a clearer perspective of Islam. Despite of incoming challenges (I woudn't call it a 'problem') in the future, I believe that being in a marital institution will open up many new and beautiful doors for me.

Dear Allah The Almighty, we realize that our life belongs to you. Please shower our marriage with happiness, halal earnings, prosperity, soleh and solehah children. Help us to start our life together, keep the love we had burning in our heart. Give us wisdom and devotion so that we could be the strength for each other during hard times. Give us grace, when we hurt each other so that we could recognize our faults and forgives. Ameen.