Me & Myself

My ife is a never ending journey..

As the time was passing by..
Suddenly, I felt that the long awaited moment arrived too fast..
All those 7 years of waiting just poofed, vanished into thin air..


Is this what I really want? Really, really want??

1.
The second thoughts

I admit. There’s a lot of second thoughts going on in my mind. Sometimes I feel like I can’t handle them. Too much questions, too many answers.

- Does he really love me for who I am? Or it is because of something else?

- Do I love him? Or it is just merely an affection and obsession?

- Can he mingle with my whole family? Can I mingle with his family?

- Can I cook well? Can I run the house? Will he help me with the chores?

- How do I handle critism? How would he handle critism?

- What if people tease me?

- What should I wear?

- Am I ready for a family? Does he ready?

- How about responsibilities?

- What if something happen to me? To him?

- What if I die?

- What if I ….. what if he….

Bla, bla, bla….

2. The preparations

A lot of time, we felt really tense about the attire, the guests, the food, everything! We have planned our own version of a perfect wedding for years. We tried to make things happen, we want our wedding to be celebrated and inviting, we want our day to be smooth. As the time passed slowly, the demand had also increased. We did lists and checklists so not to left anything out. We can’t afford to hire a planner, so these preparations had caught our major focus and attention 7 days a week. Stressful it is especially when there’s always ONE easy answer for our perfect wedding. MONEY.

3. The MAJOR changes

That day will be a big turning point in my life. It affects my direction, focus and priority. This year is the last Hari Raya I spend as a child to my beloved mother and father. I will spend the next Hari Raya onwards as a wife to a husband. It is quite sad to think that maybe I will not be able to enjoy the first day of Hari Raya with my dear parents and siblings as I have enjoyed it for 24 years now. All these years, I have celebrated Hari Raya at my grandparents’ (my mother’s side) at Teluk Intan and at my grandmother ‘s (my father’s side) at Taiping; but in the years to come, Kedah and Sarawak will also have to had our visit.

In addition to that, as a wife, I have to obey my husband.
Every action and decision must have permission from my husband. If he didn’t approve, I am obligied not to do it. It is quite a dilemma because I am still young at heart, still want to go out with my friends, still want to wear many beautiful clothes. Even we may not be in the same house, I am his responsibility. What if he suppresses my ‘needs’ to be free?

......xxx…..

Not everyone want to discuss about their prewedding blues, but I did admit that I am now experiencing this quite dreadful wedding blues. However, for me, it is only natural to feel this way since there will be a lot going on, a lot of new things will be happening, all at one time. So, sometimes,I kept telling myself that it’s okay to feel sad and flat cause it is not an easy job to handle new experiences and new mistakes everyday.

In addition to that, sometimes I feel that some people around me even those who had married, they had been unsupportive by warning and telling me the negative side of their marriages -the responsibilities, the children, the money (it is ALWAYS an issue). In this modern days, I do realize that many individual will become horrified but I didn’t blame them for those because when I take it positively, in other way around, I always have the chance to learn more and more and keep telling myself not to do the same mistakes that they made. In a way, I’m glad for it.

......xxx…..

Do I STILL want to get married?
YES. I DO. ~grin~

"When the servant marries, then he has completed half of the deen. Then let him fear Allah (Taqwa) with regard to the remaining half"

"And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them. And He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Quran 30:21)

Marriage is a beautiful thing indeed. Getting married to the right person will double the happiness, halves the sadness, keeps me away from the sins hence granted me with tranquility and hopefully will give me a clearer perspective of Islam. Despite of incoming challenges (I woudn't call it a 'problem') in the future, I believe that being in a marital institution will open up many new and beautiful doors for me.

Dear Allah The Almighty, we realize that our life belongs to you. Please shower our marriage with happiness, halal earnings, prosperity, soleh and solehah children. Help us to start our life together, keep the love we had burning in our heart. Give us wisdom and devotion so that we could be the strength for each other during hard times. Give us grace, when we hurt each other so that we could recognize our faults and forgives. Ameen.
Pray for me and wish me good things ahead. (^^,)

*****************

Out of the blue, I felt like writing something about ‘friends’. I’m now completely moving into adulthood and stepping into a whole new level in life, so I decide that I want to start clean and share my adventures with those who want to know. I am thankful to Allah for sending me all these great people. Each one of them helped to shape me into a better human then I was before. There are some things I could never have known from books; but I had been able to learn from them. Let it be happy memories or sad memories; I truly cherish the history, the fun and the sadness that we had.

Back then, I have lots of meaningful friends. I befriended with them during school days, college days and also during university life. At the moment, I feel very grateful to Allah for given me the chances to meet the right people with right ‘spices’ to make me blooms into a beautiful flower. I would never have the right feelings, the right thoughts and the right attitudes by now if I never had met or involve with each one of them. Of all friends that I have, there are some friends that leave deep marks in my life and heart; that I could never forget.

*****************

During my lower form, I have the sweetest and amazing friends that taught me about being a girl (and hating boys) and make me realize the presence of Allah and make me hold Him close to my heart. Girls, you are my start-off point and also my sidekick. We do things in school together – study and fight- and had the most amazing laughs that I really want to keep. Thank you Dil, Midah, Ana, Noorma, Yati and Leha. Especially for Dil, I’m so sorry I torn off your history book in Form 2. It was an accident. After that incident, I learned to ‘control’ the energy coming out from my fingers when I read books. I also learned to study smart from you. Heartiest thanks, honey. As for Midah and Ana (Dil also), don’t ever forget the moment when we were in cat-fight with Hafiz where we had vandalized his beloved ayam serama’s photo. Don’t do any of that again (especially Midah. You are getting married). Noorma, Yati and Leha, the three of you were very matured, calm yet warm. I treated all of you as you are my elder sister. If I need to know anything, I will always ask you. Thank you.

When I step in the upper form, I met my big group of good friends that I truly loved for years; and I missed their presence in the present time. Maybe right now, I would not be able to hold their hands and tell them that I really sorry but thankful for whatever that have happened; but I hope that if they read this, they would forgive and understand. Guys and girls, we were so young, restless and wild; always craving for great adventures and new experiences especially me. And with all of you, I was able to do things that I could never do alone which is ‘Be Stupid’. Dear friends, by being stupid most of the times, we have had super-great laughs; but along with it, you and I had made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that I never regret of doing it. However dear friends, through those experiences, I believe that each one of us had been able to move further with big steps because I did. The changes that I had in me are inexplicable but all in all, I become a better person with greater understanding towards life because of all of you. I pray for your bright and happy future and I am looking forward to receive more good news from you. Do not lose your music, and do not lose your ‘touch’. You had a special place in my heart. I still keep our pictures nicely and also some of your notes.

“Achiq,

- Friends forever
- Good luck
- Pepandai jaga diri
- Jangan lari balik lagi
- Jangan lupa doakan kitaorang

Ucu sayang Achiq”


Thank you sweetie. I always pray for you silently in my heart.

*****************

Graduating from my school, I moved into Matriculation College. Wherever I went, I have always been blessed with nice friends. Aifa, Zie, Yana, Kak Chik and Wani, even though we spend only a year together, but the bonding that we had will never die. I would never let go of the image staying up late with all of you, the craziness, the flirty moments and the most precious of all, when we went shopping during the flood. I love it!

*****************

I made it to university, when the learning about life is never stagnant. I continued be sent by Allah three ‘jumpy’, happy friends ;Cikya, Dijah and Azzah. Some notes that I would forever keep:

“Sekali aku anggap kawan, selamanya ko kawan aku - Cikya”


“Sempena last sem kat UTM, aku amat hepi sebab ada kawan cam ko. Mmg terbaek ah! - Azzah”


(Dijah, I kept your notes at home)

I love you girls for the acceptance, great times and the forgiveness. I am a natural born human being; made for doing mistakes, to learn and to change. So, I am forever grateful for the lessons I learnt. I pray so that you would always get all the best that life can give you.

**********

Last, but never is the least, for Aya, Gayitri and Ida. The three of you are angels. I miss all of you the most. You taught me to see life as beautiful no matter what may come. You instill positive spirit in me, little by little. You cure my sadness. You made me see the world as one. You showed me that the little heart in our body is able to spread happiness and beauty everywhere. That is why the three of you are my angels. Again, the changes in me is inexplicable but I thank you; all of you. Your notes that I keep nicely..

From Gayitri

“Pae darling.. MC me when you wake-up, k?”


“Spicy Chicken Mc-Deluxe, WITHOUT drinks. Love you –Paemon- You are my chellam”


From Ida

“dear Sayang.. I tak sampai hati want to wake u up, so I ‘curi’ my quiz paper and go back dy. Have a gud sleep and see you tonite!! Mwax thugs! From honeydew.”

From Aya

“Perpisahan itu akan selalu ada, kerana kita pernah berjumpa, bersama dalam canda tawa.. Tak ada kata yang pantas terucap, sahabat.. Mengucap selamat jalan, silakan lanjut perjuanganmu ditempatmu, yang akan menjadi jarak pertemuan kita. Percayalah sahabat, hati kita akan selalu terikat. Jalinan ukhuwahnya akan semakin erat..”

*****************

And for ONE friend of all friends, ONE BEST FRIEND that I wish to forever keep close to me.. To one friend that had taught me about love.. One friend that had see me through all.. Never stop to believe me, or put doubt on me.. For one friend that had always been by my side; across the mountain or the sea, in ups or down, in better or worse.. My beloved sweetheart, Amir Shaiful Bahar, thank you for everything you did for me, thank you for the boxes of memories, thank you for the courage you gave and thank you for the protections that I received. You are ONE friend made by Allah for me. You are the one friend that are perfect for me.. And so I pray really hard for our togetherness each and every day.. I want to be your friend forever in any situation. I hope we will walk together in a new level of life, hand-to-hand, putting trust and faith; cherishing this one word called “LOVE”. Forever.

*****************

Ya Allah, the most Gracious, most Merciful,
I am truly grateful for what You have bestowed upon me. Please continue to be with me and lead me to the right path. Ameen.

Sambungan..

Sekarang aku nak bercerita pasal masyarakat dekat sini.. Selama 5 hari (sehingga Jumaat) aku berada dekat sekolah ni, aku adala jumpa beberapa orang ibu bapa dan penjaga yang datang nak bayar yuran. Dan yang bestnya boleh dikatakan semua lah yang kata "Cikgu, cikgu jagala anak saya ni.. Kalau nak rotan, rotan je".. Dan ada jugak yang offer nak tambah lagi! Hahah! Beza betul dengan bandar mungkin.. Dari segi sosioekonomi, kebanyakan diorang ni berasal dari keluarga yang backgroundnya askar atau penoreh getah.. Jadi taraf hidup tak lah tinggi mana.. Aku ada seorang student India.. Lelaki.. Mukanya innocent, berkawan dengan budak Cina, kelas 4 Akaun. Masa hari pertama aku masuk kelas, aku suruh diorang semua bawa buku nota Sains untuk kelas yang seterusnya. Aku cakap aku takkan layan masalah buku takde, buku hilang atau buku tertinggal. Jadi pada kelas seterusnya, sebelum mula belajar, aku minta semua keluarkan buku.. Bila aku ronda-ronda, aku tengok buku dia buku yang buruk je.. Aku mintak dan aku bukak buku dia.. Aku tengok kat dalam, ada kesan koyak dekat muka surat depan.. Buku dia pun nipis je.. Aku yakin dia guna buku tahun lepas. Bila aku tutup buku tu, memang betul.. Itu buku dia masa tingkatan 3..

Selepas tu, aku pun tanya
"Awak nak pakai buku ni ke?"
"Ya, cikgu."
"Buku latihan yang saya mintak awak dah ada?"
"Kejap lagi saya pergi beli, cikgu."
"Awak nak beli semua buku atau macamana?"
"Semua, cikgu"
"OK. Awak pergi beli sekarang. Nanti saya nak buat latihan kejap lagi."

Budak tu pun keluar kelas.. Aku betul-betul ingatkan dia akan beli SEMUA buku.. Tapi, rupa-rupanya bila dia masuk kelas, dia hanya beli sebuah buku.. Buku latihan untuk kelas aku.
Masa tu, aku berasa sebak dan penuh rasa keinsafan. Betapa aku tidak perlu buat macamtu.

Sama jugak macam pelajar kelas 3 Ikhlas (aku Guru Tingkatan 3 Ikhlas). Ada 3-4 orang yang datang berjumpa aku untuk membayar yuran sekolah tetapi diorang datang untuk membayar yuran secara ansuran.. Kebanyakannya datang berjumpa aku hanya untuk membayar RM1.50.

Hari Khamis.
Cukup sudah 4 hari aku memegang title 'Cikgu Faezah'. Walaupun baru 4 hari, dan walaupun belum cukup seminggu lagi, tapi penatnya betul-betul terasa. Memang betul, kerja sebagai guru bukan mudah seperti anggapan ramai. Dulu, orang kata kerja cikgu balik awal, banyak cuti, banyak rehat, banyak sembang kat Bilik Guru.. Tapi, diorang tak tahu yang walaupun waktu persekolahan dah habis, cikgu-cikgu masih ada di sekolah. Balik ke rumah, aku masih buat kerja.. Kerja-kerja ni pulak, bukannya kerja yang setakat main-main buat.. Semuanya tentang REKOD, mesti SAH dan macam-macam lagi.. Itu belum bertambah dengan core business kami iaitu mengajar.. Semuanya kena berlaku serentak, teratur dan sistematik.

Di sekolah, terutamanya sekolah kerajaan, para guru dibebani dengan pelbagai tugasan sampingan. Contohnya macam aku ni:

1. AJK Jawatankuasa Data Sekolah (Penolong Data Guru/Opment, Emis, Ptk/Sekolah)
2. Guru Kelas Tingkatan 3 Ikhlas
3. Guru Matapelajaran Sains Teras Tingkatan 4, Pendidikan Sivik Dan Kewarganegaraan
Tingkatan 3
4. Guru Bertugas Mingguan (20-24 Jun 2011)
5. Guru Pengawas Peperiksaan Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) 2011
6. Warden Aspuri
7. AJK Jawatankuasa Hal Ehwal Murid
8. AJK Jawatankuasa Data Maklumat Hal Ehwal Murid
9. AJK Jawatankuasa Skim Pinjaman Buku Teks (SPBT)
10. AJK Jawatankuasa Koperasi Sekolah
11. AJK Jawatankuasa Majlis Sukan Sekolah
12. Guru Penasihat Badan Beruniform Pkbm
13. Guru Penasihat Kelab Pengguna
14. Guru Penasihat Sukan Badminton
15. Penolong Penasihat Rumah Sukan Bendahara
16. Setiausaha Panitia Sains Teras

Fuh! Tak pernah aku dapat setimbun kertas yang banyak dalam tempoh yang singkat macam ni bermula dari meeting, sanarai nama, rancangan mengajar, borang-borang dan etc.. Mental? Jangan cakapla.. Memang penat. Kalau ada orang buat pasal, semuanya antara dua: bolayan atau marah. Tapi setakat ni hanya sekali je aku betul-betul temper.. Tu pun dengan budak. Hahah! Bayangkan! baru 4 hari dah naik angin. Fizikal pulak? Sama je penat.. Berjalan ke sana ke mari, naik turun tangga, pergi kelas, keluar kelas, ganti kelas, tukar blok, patah balik, pergi ofis.. Tambah pulak sekolah aku ni berbukit-bukit.. So, kasut-kasut tinggi ni MEMANG AMAT TAK SESUAI..

Jom cerita pasal sekolah pulak. Sekolah aku adalah antara sekolah yang terbaik di daerah Tampin. Cemerlang dari segala segi. Kurikulum dan kokurikulum termasuklah disiplin. Aku memang bersyukur dapat berkerja dalam suasana yang TERBAIK untuk mengutip pengalaman. Jadi, bila dah masuk sekolah yang cemerlang ni, memang confemlah guru-guru berkerja keras. Baru dua hari lepas, aku menerima TOV dan ETI pelajar Tingkatan 2. Kalau nak tahu macamana sekolah ni boleh dapat ramai pelajar cemerlang, sebenarnya kami (guru-guru) bermula dari Tingkatan 1. Dari Tingkatan 1, SETIAP pelajar kami dah setkan tahap pencapaian dia daripada awal tahun; maksudnya kalau peperiksaan Tingkatan 1 dia mendapat markah Science sebanyak 40 markah, jadi untuk dia mendapat A di dalam peperiksaan PMR, maka sepanjang Tingkatan 2, dia mesti ada peningkatan yang sekata bagi setiap ujian atau peperiksaan sehingga akhirnya dia akan dapat mengecap A dalam peperiksaan PMR. Jadi, takde istilah 'cikgu malas' di sini.

Kokurikulum. Aku tahu aku sendiri dulu tak aktif kokurikulum. Sekadar pegang jawatan dan hias papan kenyataan je. Tapi, di sini, kegiatan kokurikulum sangat menggalakkan. Setiap kali perjumpaan, akan ada ramai pelajar yang datang. Dan pelajar-pelajar di sini memang sayangkan kelab, persatuan mereka sendiri. Contohnya dalam PKBM (aku guru penasihat); masa mesyuarat agung, pelajar-pelajar ni sendiri merancang aktiviti mereka antaranya belajar kompas, pandu arah, camping, menembak, absailing, flying fox, pertandingan-pertandingan peringkat daerah dan negeri dan etc dan di kalangan mereka ni ramai yang ada pangkat seperti koperal. Jadi, bila diorang ni datang hari Rabu, setiap perjumpaan ni, mereka akan menjalani aktiviti yang berbeza. Memang aku salute budak-budak ni dari segi kokurikulum.

To be continue.....

About this blog

Hye! Welcome all readers! I hope you will enjoy reading my writings! Everything in here is about my life, my thoughts and also several things that had attracted my attention. Feel free to leave your comments because I would appreciate it so much! Thank you!

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Quotes

Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.

- Yoda (from The Empire Strikes Back)

The best love is the kind that weakens the soul, that makes us reach for more, that plants fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever.

- The Notebook

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to
your friends."

- –Dumbledore, Harry Potter

The things two people do to each other they remember. If they stay together, it's not because they forget; it's because they forgive.

- Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal

You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.

- The Notebook

We are who we choose to be.

- Green Goblin

The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all

-The emperor, Mulan

About Me

My photo

A wifey to Amir Shaiful Bahar and a mother to Nurul Najah 'Adni and Muhammad An-Naquib.

Leave Me a Message!



Best TV Series!

  • Charmed
  • Chuck
  • CSI
  • Hana Yori Dango
  • Hanazakarino Kimitachi
  • House
  • Macam-macam Aznil
  • Oprah
  • Sweet Spy

Best Movies!

  • 17 Again
  • Becoming Jane
  • Ghost of The Girlfriend Past
  • Hachiko-A Dog Story
  • Hana Yori Dango Final
  • Madagascar 2
  • My Girlfriend is An Agent
  • Open Season 2
  • Shrek 2
  • Sleeping Beauty
  • The Lord of The Ring Triology
  • The Notebook

Favourite Songs~

  • 100 Years - Five for Fighting
  • Aku dan Dirimu-Ari Lasso & BCL
  • Apa Saja-KRU
  • Back For Good - Take That
  • Better Man - Robbie William
  • Don't Speak-No Doubt
  • Flying Without Wings-Westlife
  • Lucky-Jason Mraz
  • Masih Jelas-Hafiz
  • Matahari-Amuk
  • More Than Words-Westlife
  • Mungkin Terjadi-Spider
  • My Baby You-Marc Anthony
  • No Matter What - Boyzone
  • One Sweet Day - Mariah Carey
  • Pieces-Sum 41
  • Ribaibaru-Mayumi Itsuwa
  • Seperti Dulu-Exist
  • Soledad - Westlife
  • Someday-Nickelback
  • Sufi-Damasutra
  • Take Me to Your Heart-MLTR
  • The Reason-Hoobstank
  • The Tide is High - AK
  • Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
  • Unintended - Muse
  • Unwritten-Natasha Beddingfield
  • Words - Boyzone
  • You Drive Me Crazy - Britney Spears
  • You're Still The One - Shania Twain

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Disclaimer

Some of the content in this blog are not mine. The information, content (writings, pictures, graphics, videos, musics, etc) and sources (books, links, etc) that I published today may not be valid or accurate in two weeks from the day it was published. I am not responsible if downloadables from this blog damages or harms your computer. I am only responsible to myself; not to anyone or any agencies I seems to represent. My writings in this blog are my experiences and personal views. I am also will not be held liable for anyone says in my blog through their content, implication and intent. Other than that, my intention in hosting this blog is not to do any harm, injure, defame or libel others. What I write on my blog is not to be taken as fact nor absolute. If you use my advice, tips, techniques, and recommendations, and are injured, I am not to be held responsible. If any legal action is brought against my blog, it could be brought against me personally, my home and my properties only.